What did we do last night that was yellow?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
