M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
