How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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