those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
