Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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