her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
