Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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