The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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