I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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