i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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