I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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