She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
