i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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