I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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