I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
