At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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