Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
