I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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