I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
