im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
