so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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