sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
