Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
