I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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