so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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