girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
