Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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