You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
