youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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