If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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