If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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