I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you would pick up someone in the library
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
