So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
