I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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