i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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