It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize
