new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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