This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just gift wrapped bread.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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