I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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