we're blogging at a bar
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
