did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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