So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
