It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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