$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
