come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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