I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
