Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
