shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
