One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
