i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
