i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The ass gains better be worth it
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