I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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